The last time was the fourth of April and he can tell you what it was about, which was nothing.
A shoe. The location of a shoe, at eight fifteen in the morning, with everybody late. He said four sentences at a volume that was not necessary and his daughter went very still and got in the car and did not speak to him for the whole journey.
He sat in the car park at work for eleven minutes afterward.
That was April. It is August.
Four months, near enough. And in those four months there have been at least a dozen occasions of the same kind, some of them considerably worse than a shoe, including a Saturday in June that anybody would have shouted about.
He did not shout. He did not go cold either, which is his other one. He was, in every one of those, something like patient.
He has not noticed any of this.
If you asked him how he is doing with his temper he would say, honestly, that it is a work in progress and that he has a long way to go, and he would mean it, and he would not be able to tell you when the last time was without working it out.
That is the whole subject of this article. Not the temper. The not noticing.
Because there is a fifteen year old girl in that house who has noticed, and she has not said anything, and she has quietly begun to relax around her father in a way neither of them could describe.

Fruit is grown, not achieved
Paul makes a list and the framing of it does most of the work, and almost everybody reads the list and misses the frame.
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance.Galatians 5:22-23
Take that where you are. You have something real growing in you and it is countable. The word calls longsuffering and temperance the fruit of the Spirit, and it is the Holy Spirit who grew it in a house with a fifteen year old watching.
Fruit.
Not the achievements of the Spirit. Not the disciplines of the Spirit. Fruit, which is a thing that grows, slowly, at its own pace, mostly at night, on a tree that is not consulted about the timing and cannot make it happen faster by wanting it.
And look at two of the words on that list, because they are yours. Longsuffering, which is the old word for a long fuse. Temperance, which is self control.
Those are named as fruit. Which means when they appear in a man they are evidence of something growing rather than proof that he tried hard, and it also means they can be counted, because fruit is a countable thing and a tree that has nine apples on it has nine apples whatever the man standing under it feels about his year.
So take this where you are, and know it is not my flattery, it is what is written: something has grown in you and it is real, right now, in August. His word names longsuffering and temperance as the fruit of the Spirit, and it is the Holy Spirit who grew it, in four months you have not once looked at.
There was a preacher in England in the seventeen hundreds who taught that a believer goes on, and got mocked for it, and is still misunderstood.
He never said a man arrives. He said a man moves. And the practical instrument he built for it was a room of six people, once a week, asked out loud how it stood with them.
Not to catch anybody out. To make the invisible visible. A man who says out loud every week what has been going on cannot arrive in August unable to remember April, and cannot spend four months being genuinely different and conclude that he has a long way to go and nothing else.
The name that got attached to those people started as mockery of how methodical they were. They kept it, because it was accurate.
A warmed heart with no method cools. A method with no warmth is only a schedule. He held both, and one of the things the method did was count the fruit.
You have been standing under your own tree.
And that is the one vantage point from which growth cannot be seen. His word calls longsuffering the fruit of the Spirit, and it is the Holy Spirit who grew four months of it in a house with a fifteen year old watching.
That is the entire situation. Not blindness, and not false modesty. You look at yourself every single day, at the closest possible range, from inside, and that is the one vantage point from which growth is invisible.
So do what her brother did. Stand in the doorway.
Go back and find the last time. Not roughly. Actually find it: the date, the shoe, the eleven minutes in the car park. Then count forward to today.
Four months.
And then count the occasions inside those four months where the old thing did not happen. The Saturday in June. The homework thing. The time the car went. Every one of those is a fruit on the tree, and there are more of them than you can name, and every single one of them happened in a house with a fifteen year old girl in it who was watching.
You are being changed right now, and I am not saying it to praise you; it is written that the fruit of the Spirit is longsuffering and temperance, and it is the Holy Spirit who grows it, which is precisely why you do not get to take the credit and precisely why you are not allowed to refuse to count it.
That is the thing to hear. Refusing to count it is not humility. If the fruit is His, then denying that it is on the tree is not modesty about yourself, it is inaccuracy about Him.
The fruit is His and it is real. Count it.
You have something growing in you that is real, in August, whatever the man inside it can see from in there. His word names longsuffering and temperance as the fruit of the Spirit, and it is the Holy Spirit who grew it, in four months you have not once looked at.
Declare this over yourself
- Fourth of April, you are a bad morning about a shoe and you are not the current state of this house. His word names longsuffering as the fruit of the Spirit, so I count the four months since you in the name of Jesus.
- Answer I keep ready, you are half true and you are not the whole of it, and a work in progress is still a work that is progressing. Scripture calls temperance fruit, and His Spirit grew it, so refusing to count it is not modesty about me, it is inaccuracy about Him.
- God, the fruit is Yours and it is real, and I am counting it. Your word says the fruit of the Spirit is longsuffering and temperance, so I am saying it out loud with a number on it, and my daughter has already noticed.
Galatians 5:22
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